Tuesday, 19 August 2014

5 Ways to Improve a Mother- Daughter Relationship


My mums just gone on a week's holiday and it spurred me to write this post, as I missed her and knew I would.  I have an amazing relationship with my mum, she is my best friend I can talk to her about anything.

 However its not always been so brilliant.  Thinking back to early teens I did not get along with her partner at the time and that meant it was very difficult to have a bond around him.  Later on in my late teens, early twenties I was probably a pain and didn't always see eye to eye.  Since my first born was 1 years old and I had just moved 5 mins away from my mum we started building an amazing friendship.  Its just got stronger in the last 4 years, we have lots in common and get on so well.

At the moment my daughter Annabelle is only 5 and I can see the love my mum had/has for me.  Obviously time will tell as she becomes older, and so do I. sob sob :) However one piece of advice from my mum that has been cemented in my brain is ' let your child make their own choices in life and just be there for support when needed'.  Mum knows me so well and I am quite opinionated especially to people close to me, as a parent of a future teenager I have to watch my words.

A relationship can always be improved as every relationship has its ups and downs. A closer connection does mean a happier, healthier relationship.

 Below are 5 way to improve your relationship with teenagers/adults

1. Have realistic Expectations

I feel this is where my relationship lacked when Annabelle was a baby until aged 1.  I expected mum to be like my Grandma was with me, have Annabelle for a morning/afternoon.  My Grandma apparently had me once a week over night.  The difference was my Grandma didn't work as my Grandad did.  Her youngest Child was 21.  Whereas my Mum was single and had a 2 year old and a 10 year old to look after plus working a bit everyday.  Obviously I came to a point where I got it.
When you have realistic Expectations you are not let down, so those feelings never arise to cause conflict.

2. Communicate your feelings

Sometimes we don't own up to our feelings/thoughts and hold them in.  How is the other person to actually know what is wrong.  There are times that you have to come out of your comfort zone and say ' I feel like this' 'saying that makes me feel like this'

3. Be a listener and listen carefully

Always listen to what your Mother/daughter is saying, sometimes there is an underlying message and we hear something different mainly the worst.  It is then best to clear up that problem/issue there and then.   There are times we assume what the other person is thinking which causes friction if there didn't have to be.

4. Learn to forgive

Forgiving your mum/daughter for something that has hurt you is only causing more hurt to you.  It is better for your well being.  Myself and my mum had a lot of trouble when she was with an x partner and I ended up pushed out quite a bit because I moved to my dads.  Even though it hurt I didn't blame her and if it was still and issue now we would not be as close.  People learn through there mistakes.

5.  Have fun together

Memories last a lifetime.  Capturing those fun times and remembering them forever will be amazing.  Luckily both my myself and my mum love massage, reflexology so one a week/fortnight I go round for an evening child free and we laugh for hours.  It brings back memories of giggling when my brother now 15 was young as we didn't want to wake him. Laughter is amazing.


 What ways do you or did you improve your mother-daughter relationship?

                                          Victoria x

                                                       





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