Thought I would for the first time on here let you know about the hard times of my life since becoming a mummy!!
I will only talk about it briefly as I don't like reminding myself!
When Annabelle was about a week old I was struck with this weird feeling, I started Having a panic attack over something that upset me that I couldn't control, I couldn't stop thinking about it! At night I was unable to get out of bed to get a bottle without being struck with fear of I don't even know! It got worse that I couldn't eat properly for a fortnight! There was lots of things/symptoms but I don't want to talk about them yet!
Phil my partner wasn't supportive, he didn't seem to notice I was living in another world, a world of fear! He was at work, then on the play station and didn't have time for me! I know now he was stressed and he used that to wind down but I needed help i was trapped! No one around me seem to notice how different I was maybe I acted fine but I wasn't me!
My dad lived in France and we decided to go and visit him for 10 days, he hadn't seen me since Annabelle was about a month old so she was 5 months old by then. He talked to me and said you are not yourself, I didn't take it in! One Evening my Dad asked me to look at the stars, I completely freaked out and ran into the patio by accident and nearly knocked myself out! It makes me feel very upset thinking of how I was! He said you have to go to the doctors, I was panicking again as I was thinking 'i'm crazy' !!!
I got home, did I go the doctors??? No I didn't I was too scared incase they said 'you are mad' I was more than capable of looking after my daughter' I then was on netmums and came across a post on Postnatal Anxiety!! I had this!!! I was fuming!!!! I had had one to ones with the HV, she knew all my worries!!! Why didn't she know, why had I suffered for 6 months for nothing!!! So I went to the Weigh in and when no one was there I tried to explain how I felt as I was doing this I get walking away but didnt realise and they kept saying 'your walking away' !! The HV turned red and said book an appointment asap you have to see the doctor!! I had to wait two days but the doctor agreed I had post natal anxiety and gave me tablets!
It went away and I was Me again, I then got pregnant and at 30 weeks the anxiety returned, I held back on the tablets until Callum was a month! It didnt go away completely as anxiety is very physiological!!
I then came across blogging, I was hooked, my mind has something else to concentrate on!! I had something to be excited about, a future linked to me not just as a mum, a online social life, online friends, a whole new exciting world!!
So Thank You to Blogging and Thank You to the Blogging Community!! You have helped me be me again xx
Lovely post hunny. I find my online friends often more supportive than my other friends, mostly as they know what I'm going through - you can be more open online than face to face. I don't know where I would be without my Babycentre friends who helped me through my 3rd miscarriage, and my my new blogging friends to cheer me on when I'm down x x
ReplyDeleteThank you hun! Felt it was the right time to tell you all! Yes its great that we can make these friends online that you feel you know and feel supported! There is always someone online that has gone through what you have, people can only truly understand if they have had that experience themselves! x
ReplyDeletei love this post , lots of new mummies are faced with depression and anxiety and nothing really gets spoken about it . Well done for speaking up xx
ReplyDeleteThank you Nicci
ReplyDeleteYes it is more common and not spoken about, wish it was for me as would have gave me back 6 months!! xx